Boaz said to Ruth, “And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you whatever you ask, for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence.”
Ruth 3:11 (NASB)
A friend in my small group reminded me that years ago I shared a helpful tool with her to better understand the difference between excellence and perfectionism. I have always been a fan of beauty and order and at that time I was personally evaluating how to make better choices for myself and my family.
In the book of Ruth, it is interesting to note that Boaz was honored by Ruth’s request because he knew her reputation. She was a woman of excellence—meaning she possessed outstanding qualities worthy of praise. In fact, this phrase “woman of excellence” is used in wisdom literature to describe the ideal wife whose value is far above jewels.
On the other hand, psychologists describe perfectionism as a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection—a striving for flawlessness—often accompanied by critical self-evaluation leading to unrealistic expectations and feelings of inadequacy. By contrasting the two we can more clearly see the difference between them—and their vastly different effects on ourselves and others.
- Excellence is risk. Perfectionism is fear.
- Excellence is effort. Perfectionism is anger and frustration.
- Excellence is openness to being wrong. Perfectionism is having to be right.
- Excellence is spontaneity. Perfectionism is control.
- Excellence is flow. Perfectionism is pressure.
- Excellence is confidence. Perfectionism is doubt.
- Excellence is journey. Perfectionism is destination.
- Excellence is acceptance. Perfectionism is judgment.
- Excellence is encouraging. Perfectionism is criticizing. *
O Lord, I confess I have often confused excellence and perfectionism. Help me drop my list of “shoulds” and cease striving. Help me focus instead on growing in character and pleasing You in all things—in everything I do and say—and keep me motivated to improve a little more every day in becoming a woman of excellence!
*Thomas S. Greenspon, Ph.D. (2012). Moving Past Perfect: How Perfectionism May Be Holding Back Your Kids (and You!) and What you Can Do About It. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing